


Pretend

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hospitalization, Injury, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Misunderstandings, Mutant Reader, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Relationship, Reader-Insert, Secret Crush, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15899019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: Denial is a strong motivator to do stupid things.





	Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> This is for @softhairbarnes 750 writing challenge. It took me awhile to figure out how this situation would go, but it’s fun and I enjoyed it! So, I hope you do as well. 
> 
> Prompt: “Let’s do something romantic, like plan a murder or something.”

Being an Avenger isn’t always what’s cracked up to be in the media. There isn’t a Tony Stark party every night, there hours are long and sacrifices are made for the greater good in terms of personal and familial relations. It’s busting from one mission to another with people that have your back, but with the possibility of never coming back to the Tower or the Compound. The highest state of being a workaholic, but you wouldn’t have it any other way because while you are a hero somewhere else in the world for either a few days or weeks, it allowed you to avoid the problems back home. 

“Mission debrief with Nat and Sam,” Clint explains as he polishes his arrows, a few hours away from landing at the Compound, “Potential mission in Morocco for another three weeks.”

“Do you think they’ll need me?” you ask, turning around after you finish wrapping your hands in bandages. The last mission had left you a bit worse for wear, but it wasn’t something that wouldn’t be gone in a couple of hours though there were some wounds that were worst, but hidden underneath the combat suit you wore. Clint just frowns.

“They might,” he says, though he has to add a little extra towards the end, “But, don’t you think you should take a break? You’ve been going on like this for nearly 2 months now.” 

“I--” you want to defend yourself, but if Nat knew it was more than likely that she had told Clint as well -- they were a nasty pair like that. 

“You can’t keep avoiding him forever, kid,” he tells you the die hard truth of what you have been avoiding these past couple of weeks, which causes you to frown. There is stubborn glint in your that he had seen a dozen times before in all the years of knowing you -- you weren’t going to say a word, take it with you to the grave if you could, “He’s gonna come looking for you eventually.” 

“I guess, I’ll handle that when it comes to it,” is the only way you respond, as Clint laughs at your attitude. 

The rest of the ride is spent talking about what you want to do in the little intermission between this debrief and the next mission briefing. A nap will be nice, but you know that that will be impossible with the excitement and adrenaline still running through your veins -- maybe, finally getting to eat some good homemade food from all the leftovers that Wanda tends to keep for everyone. Food was always good to ease the body and even the heart, which you had been fighting with for quite some time now. 

The hour long flight passes  by too fast as you both are already walking down the hanger as Clint prepares to take a much needed rest and you try to the best with the time allocated for you before going to go meet with Natasha and Sam. Clint gives you a good-natured pat on the back as you give him a simple shrug. 

“Take me advice. It’ll make it easier in the long run,” he warns you one last time, but you don’t say anything. He waits until you leave the hanger area, for a twenty minute brief and quick shower,  to take out his own communication device and speak into it. 

“She’s heading to the kitchen,” he shakes his head with a smile, tired of how you’ve been avoiding the situation, as a familiar female voice answers back.

* * *

Clint’s words hold some truth because for a while Bucky Barnes has been wondering why he hasn’t seen you in such a long time. Long missions and time apart was something he was used to since becoming an Avenger and slowly becoming your friend after the long road of recovery, but this much time apart was insane. He worried about your health and was slowly coming to realize that it might be more, though he couldn’t help but question your actions once he asked Steve why you had been on so many missions lately.

> _ “Shouldn’t she take a break? Ain’t that part of protocol?” Bucky tries to ask discreetly as possible one training session with Steve. You had just gone on a mission to Europe and had just as quickly packed up for a mission to Morocco with Clint. He hadn’t seen you in three weeks and it was starting to drive him up the wall. Blue eyes look back to meet his, as Steve seems to pick up on something Bucky hasn’t. _
> 
> _ “I’ve already told her, Buck,” Steve pauses from punching the bag in front of him to look his oldest friend, “But, she’s want to dive right in, hard to stop a gal like that.”  _
> 
> _ “It’s just---” Bucky stops in frustration, as he runs a hand through his matted hair and  Steve can’t help but smile just a bit. _
> 
> _ “You got something you wanna let out,” Steve teases with a laugh, as Bucky stops for a second and frowns as he tries to organize his thoughts. He knows that your absence bothers him, though he isn’t ready to admit the reason why just yet, not to Steve and certainly not to himself.  _
> 
> _ “Nah,” is all he says before going back to training and hopefully off of what’s really bothering him. _

Since then, Bucky had been avoiding the bigger picture of what was bothering him, of what he could potentially be feeling for a close friend. He had known you for quite some time now. You made movie nights for him, trained with him, had his back when pranking Sam, and if he thought about it long enough it was only natural that he was drawn to your light like a moth and while he had been trying to get back into the “modern dating scene” here and there because it was different trying to initiate something with a stranger than with a close friend -- someone that he would place his life on the line for. And while that was just a shitty excuse, it was better than the darker thoughts that swim in his head. 

Maybe, that’s why it was easier to go through the routine of checking his guns, or like he was doing at the current moment -- sharpening his knife in one of the darker recreational areas, maybe just for the potential of scaring Sam like he usually did. Instead, he was welcomed with the sight of you coming into the room with a bowl and freshly out of the shower from what he could tell with your damp hair. 

“Hey Bucky,” you give him a smile and he doesn’t know if it's the soldier in him or if it’s just because it is you that he can notice the tired shag of your shoulder as you walk to take a seat on the couch. There is a limp in your walk that you are doing your best to hide, since you ability hasn’t caught up to healing it, and there are bandages around your hands. The toll of your constant missions is starting to catch up on you.

“You okay, doll?” he questions, as you take a bite out of your yogurt and fruit mix. You give him a light smile over his concern, though it doesn’t stop the quick ache in the middle of your chest because this is all friendly concern and nothing more.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed in a couple of hours,” you say in a dismissive tone in regards to your ample healing ability, though he didn’t need to know you were pushing your ability to its extreme with how many missions you were taking -- you were reckless that way.    

However, instead of saying anything about your current emotional problems, you decide to stay quiet and simply enjoy the silence you have with one of your closest friends. It was better than getting your heart potentially torn apart, though physical activity might be a whole better than the metaphorical version. Yet, you want to hear his voice beyond the sharpening of his beloved knife, and maybe that what makes you open your mouth, as you lean into the couch. 

“ **Let’s do something romantic, like plan a murder or something** ,” you say breaking the silence from your side of the couch as blue eyes turn to look at you for a moment. He’s surprised in the way you say it , but the last part catches him off guard for a moment, not sure it you are jesting or being serious. 

“Why would you want to do that?” he says walking over a thin bridge, though you can tell he is just humoring you with those twinkling blue eyes and the crooked grin on his lips as he sharpens his knife.

“Clint was annoying me on the ride back,” you admit, not never going farther to the actual truth, instead moving a bit more towards your curren fantasy with a laugh, “Just wanna whack him with a bat, maybe throw him in the Hudson.”

“You’ve been watching too many Scorsese movies again, doll,” it’s Bucky’s turn to laugh at the reminder that you have watched  _ Goodfellas _ and  _ Heat  _ one too many times, and while he didn’t watch them with you for specific reasons he had gotten too used to you quoting them and going into monologue with Sam when the situation called for it. It was a little violet, but it’s one of the quirks he liked about you. 

He liked a lot about you, actually and he was slowly starting to figure that out. 

“Maybe,” you admit, before closing your eyes for a moment because while you were enjoying the exchange, you hands twitched due to his laugh with the thought of just going over to him and pulling him into a kiss. It was one of your more tamer thoughts when it came to Bucky as of recently, but this was something you needed to control -- for the sake of your friendship. 

“Is the something wrong?” 

“Nah,” you say softly and give him a bright smile, which he doesn’t completely believe but before he can say anything else on the subject.  

“--Agent Romanoff and Mr. Wilson are waiting for you,” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice cuts in, as you quickly get up and Bucky wants to stop you, yell at you about taking better care of yourself -- that you can lean on him if need be. However, all that stops dead in his throat, as you start to walk out of the room.

“Doll,” he manages to saw, as you look at him with tired and hollow eyes but give him the brightest smile that you can -- Bucky knows that you are lying, but he’s too afraid ask what the major problem is behind your recent behavior. 

“Yeah?” you answer back, looking back while standing close to the entrance way. Blue eyes watch you, completely mesmerized for a moment before putting everything he is feeling and trying to let out into two little words.  

“Stay safe,” he says, as you nod with a crushed heart hoping he would have said something else. 

* * *

Yet, as stated before, you are a reckless sort of thing that push your powers a little too far when you need the most, as you end up with a bullet in your shoulder in the latest mission with Nat and Sam, and unconscious for nearly 3 days as your healing ability tries to catch up with the damage done to your body. Bucky is a mess that only Sam and Steve are able handle, and then just barely as he watches for the hospital ward whenever he can and everything that he had been denying finally blooms in front of him.

_ “Steve, I think I’m…”  Bucky explains what he is feeling towards you (what he is sure that he has felt for a long time under the disguise of friendship)  to the blond, as Sam watches from the other side of the room a smug smile on his face as the blond just shakes his head.  _

> _ “Well, took you long enough, Buck,” Steve says with a smile, as Sam laughs. Blue eyes take in his two best friends, as if they don’t understand the struggle he had been going through for the past couple of hours since he had seen you come back on a stretcher.  And while, yes it was a serious situation both Sam and Steve already knew that you were going to pull through, and a little extra thing, that Bucky didn’t.  _
> 
> _ “You knew,” he questions before looking at Steve and then back to Sam.  _
> 
> _ “It’s been kinda of obvious for awhile, Tinman,” Sam chuckles out, “Just gotta wait for Sleeping Beauty to return your feelings.” _
> 
> _ “And why do you think she would?” Bucky asks desperately, looking for any sign that you might feel something besides friendship towards him. Sam just keeps grinning. _
> 
> _ “Think back to when she started taking all those missions.”  _

Bucky does think long and hard about the time a few months back that you started increasing how many missions you were going on and for a moment he decides that nothing is any different. You hung out, trained together, and you had even helped him decide how he was going to go dressed for his first date in quite a long time --  _ and there it is. _ He had started dating more actively and seeking your help to do so, by the 3rd you were out with Steve and Nat on a mission in Portugal and his time with you slowly decreasing. But, you couldn’t have the same feelings, could you?  

The giddiness of such potential leaves Bucky sleepless into the 3rd day of your time in the medical ward, though you are awake and talking now. It isn’t until the middle of the night that he decides to finally visit you. And there you are sitting wide awake in your hospital bed, still a clear insomniac. He comes to stand near your bed, as you give him a timid smile.

“Hey Buck,” you reach out with your good arm as he takes your hand to have him sit as close as he can. The near death experience and your feelings wanting to have him closer than usual, even if just for a moment, “Been busy?”

Bucky can’t help but frown a little at the tone of your voice, as if you think he would be anywhere else but here, so for once he decides to voice it out, “I was just sorting some things out is all.” 

“Like what?” you ask, almost afraid of what he has to say in the darkness of the medical ward.  

“I just wanna know something, please” he asks timidly like a scolded child and you can’t help but hold his hand a bit tighter for a moment, “Have you been taking all these missions to avoid me?”

“I-I..and if I was?” 

“Why would you do that?” Bucky questions, as you take a deep gulp of air trying not to break down right then and there. 

“Because I realized that I didn’t wanna see you smiling or laughing with anyone that wasn’t me,” you admit, tears in the corners of your eyes when you realize you have his full attention, which all you have wanted for quite some time now, “ _ I want all of you, Bucky _ .” 

Bucky waits until you are done talking for him to pull you in as much as he can. He grabs your cheek with his right hand, as you find yourself staring at sparkling blues that hold so much promise and feeling in them -- that wholeheartedly return your feelings. Your foreheads touch as he whispers softly if he can kiss you, which you eagerly do before he can. It’s a small peck on the lips that slowly turns hot and needy, as if savoring that you guys have finally discovered each other after being in denial for so long.     

“God, I wanna murder someone,” you can’t help but groan out after breaking the kiss and moving your shoulder just a bit due to staying still in one place for such a long time, before laying back down.  

“Maybe, when you’re medically cleared, doll,” Bucky grins, already planning some pranks for those teammates that had known about yours and his actual feelings, but in particular Sam who seemed to enjoy the constant state of limbo that Bucky had been placed over this.   

“I guess we’ve been pretty stupid, huh?” you can’t help but admit bashfully, as Bucky sinks into the left side of your hospital bed, not wanting to let go of you for the rest of the night -- not, when he finally has you so close to him after such a long time. 

“Just a little,” he laughs before looking down at your figure and thinking just how lucky he was, even if it came with some stupid moves on both your parts, which causes him to stop for a moment. 

“Doll?” he questions, as you look at him, “We’re gonna have to talk about you running away from your feelings when ya get out. I don’t think my old heart can handle you visiting the hospital ward again.”  

You look at him, slack jawed and full of embarrassment before agreeing with another kiss to seal the deal.  


End file.
